I have found writing very therapeutic and helps me release the grief that is hidden inside.  My life partner is no longer in my life and as with anyone, there are times when I need to talk and express my feelings.  I do not feel comfortable blurting out my emotions and have found a certain comfort in writing them down, either in this blog or in poetry.   

Below are some of my favourites.

 

I Miss You

I miss you in the morning

I miss you late at night.

I miss you when the kids are good

And when they put up a fight.

 

I miss the fact there's no one there

When I come home after work

To chat about the day I've had

Or that customer who was a jerk.

 

I miss the future we planned to have

And the memories still not made

Like you walking our daughter down the aisle

Or watching our son get the top grade.

 

I miss so much about our lives

That it's hard for me to say

But what I'm really trying to get across

Is that I miss you every second, every minute of every day.


Daddy Star.

" Twinkle, Twinkle, Daddy Star.  Daddy lives in Heaven way a way far.

But look up in the sky, he shines so bright. He's always right beside you day and night.

Twinkle, Twinkle Daddy star.  Daddy always love you, wherever you are."

 


No Longer a Wife

Who knows how her current journey will end.  Happy or Sad?  I guess a lot will depend. 

On how she will cope with the worry and strife of being a Widow and no longer a wife. 

 

She'll walk right past you 

and you won't bat an eye, 

For she looks no different to you or to I. 

But look a bit closer, in her eyes look deep.  

You will see signs of the tears that she'll weep. 

 

Each morning she wakes up and puts on her face, but there is no make up, precision or grace.  Instead she looks up, says "make today better"  These three little words are her new morning mantra. 

 

She walks out the door, her image in place. 

No one will know, the pain that she'll face. 

Through out the day she'll hold her head high 

but back home at night, is when she will cry. 

 

She works a full day and keeps her house clean 

but worries her children think she is mean. 

She gives them treats and days out having fun and she makes time to play with both daughter and son.  They know Mummy loves them but is that enough?  Perhaps that's why she compensates and buys so much stuff.   

 

Her children are angels (most of the time) 

but then there are days where they moan and they whine.  It's day like these that she looks up to the sky and says to her Husband "why did you die?"  "What did I do to make this happen to me?  Why are we now just a family of three"? 

 

There will never be an answer to the questions she will ask, so she straightens her body and puts on her mask.  Facing the world with dignity and aplomb, she continues her life playing both Dad and Mom. 

 

Don't worry, we're doing fine.

 

Don't worry about us, we're all doing fine. 

The kids are growing quickly; your daughter is devine.  A right little Princess but cheeky with it too.  Your son, caring and thoughtful and very loving  (who knew?).   

 

Me? You'll be proud of the person I've become.  I'm no longer a wall flower, I'm confident and strong.  I take care of the kids, keep them happy and fed.  Make sure they have comfort and sleep well in their bed.   

 

So, please don't worry, we're all doing fine.  We're taking our new life one step at a time. 

Some days are happy, others are sad.  Which ever day happens, we are thankful and glad; 

For the time that we had and the adventures we made.  The stories we now tell and the memories that won't fade. 

 

So don't worry about us, we're all doing fine. 

The kids have their chocolate and Mummy has wine! 

We're doing what we can so we cope and get through. 

We're living life fully.  We're living it for you. 

 

With Every Ray of Sunlight

 

With every ray of sunlight 

With every breath of air 

When every Autumn leaf falls 

I'll always be right there. 

 

With every snowflake falling 

With every bird that sings 

When stars shoot high across the sky 

I'm there whatever life brings. 

 

I'm your shadow on a moonlit walk 

Your echo in a cave 

I'm with you when you spend your cash 

I'm with you when you save. 

 

I'm right beside you when you sleep 

I'll here when things get tough 

I'm with you on those sunny days 

And when you've had enough. 

 

So know that I am always there 

Every second of every day 

Just tilt your head towards the sky 

And listen to what I say. 

 

I'm here with you, I'll never go 

I'm your Daddy and will always be. 

Whether Happy, Sad or just Not Sure 

Close your eyes.  I'm here.  You'll see. 

 

Daddy xxxx 

 

 


Summer Blues

 

The sun is shining, the sky is blue 

There's happiness and laughter but there isn't you. There's water slides and fountains, there's ice cream for tea.  There's cuddles and chatting 

But at night, it's just me. 

 

There's bbqs burning, sea salt in the air.  The smell of the sun cream and braids in kids hair.   

There's splashing and frolics and summer sun madness, but all I can feel is my own summer sadness. 

 

 


Amazing and Strong

Apparently I'm strong.  I'm amazing too. 

But look a little deeper and you'll see it's not true.  To the outside world it's how I may seem 

But inside I'm breaking and thinking life is mean. 

 

I mean, how is it fair that I'm here on my own, spending my evenings staring at my phone.  Scrolling through Facebook and other media sites, thinking how sad, this is how I spend most of my nights. 

 

But what if I am amazing and really am strong?  Perhaps my friends are right and I am just wrong.  Lets think for a minute and see what I do.  Perhaps their comments really are true. 

 

Each morning I get up and face the day.  Get my kids ready and kiss them off on their way.  After work I come home, feed the kids and put them to bed.  I then finish the ironing and sort things out in my head.  There's so much going on and only me to get it done.  I wish there was some one else here to be the responsible one!   

 

There's cooking, washing and the weekly shop.  Various paperwork to complete and floors that I must mop.  There's organising play dates and activities that are fun.  There's even booking a summer holiday away in the sun.   

 

So perhaps I am amazing and perhaps I am strong.  Or perhaps I'm just surviving for life must go on.  

 

 


Stand in the Rain

Stand in the rain, the raindrops won't miss.  They'll cover your body just like he did with his kiss.  When the sun does come out, let the warmth shine through.  Imagine his arms wrapping around you. 

 

Play in the snow, release your inner child.  Give up you inhibitions, once in a while.  Run in the wind and feel his laughter.  He's always with you, he's your "ever after". 

 

At night, look up to the stars so high. Remember the twinkle in his piercing blue eye. 

The lightning may strike and thunder may clap.  That's just him reminding you to stop looking back. 

 

The weather will change and the seasons will go.  But your love for him will never let go. 

So stand in the rain, catch all that you can.  These are kisses from heaven, sent from your man. 


My Wish

I wish you were here sitting next to me 

To see our children playing and to see what I see. 

 

They are growing so quickly infront of my eyes 

Our daughter now chatting and singing lullabies.  She potters around, making make believe tea.  Offers her teddies biscuits and a coffee for me. 

 

As for our son, he's a growing pre-teen 

Only 6yrs with a father and that seems so mean.  He has many friends and at school he does good.  He's doing everything that a young boy should. 

 

I wish you could join us, just for one day. 

To see for yourself all the things that I say. 

To give them a cuddle and to give them a kiss. 

Just to give them everything that they currently miss. 

 

I wish my wishes could one day come true but for now they're just wishes that I'm sharing with you. 


The Mirror

I wish you were here sitting next to me 

To see our children playing and to see what I see. 

 

They are growing so quickly infront of my eyes 

Our daughter now chatting and singing lullabies.  She potters around, making make believe tea.  Offers her teddies biscuits and a coffee for me. 

 

As for our son, he's a growing pre-teen 

Only 6yrs with a father and that seems so mean.  He has many friends and at school he does good.  He's doing everything that a young boy should. 

 

I wish you could join us, just for one day. 

To see for yourself all the things that I say. 

To give them a cuddle and to give them a kiss. 

Just to give them everything that they currently miss. 

 

I wish my wishes could one day come true but for now they're just wishes that I'm sharing with you. 

November

Remember, remember the month of November

It's when Guy Fawkes met his doom.

But for me it's the month of many reminders

To me it's my month of gloom.

 

Your birthday, our wedding and our first date.

November is a month that never runs late.

It's right bang on time and it's there every year

And with the start of November is the never ending tear.

 

The 19th, the day that we said "I do".  

We only made 10 years, my ring still shines like new.

The 21st of the month, is when we had our first date. 

20 years this year since I became your first mate.

Then the 24th, the day of your birth

A day we still celebrate with all that your worth.

 

So this month is tough and the dates are clear

Yet another list of anniversaries that you are not here.

But as always I'll manage, I'll cope and get through 

But November is my month that is all about you.....

 

....And just when I'm glad that November is done

I find that December has just begun.

All around me is Christmas but that's not what I see.

This month holds the date that you had to leave me.